It’s a Need, not a Desire

I graduated. I moved out. I entered the workforce…..and this is it? 30 more years of this? It’s the common side effects of young adulthood, the yearning for something more, the need to be able to do more. It’s a thought that’s been replaying in my head. “I am way too young still, to be ‘over it.'”

When I was a kid, roughly 8-9 years old, my dream was to become a writer. I often received compliments on my work. I won writing contests, I had several pen pals, I kept many journals, and my English teachers in high school would give me 100’s on the assignments I turned in. In any way I could, I expressed my life by writing it down. So what happened?

As a friend recently put it, life happened. When we are children, the desire to be something greater is in saving lives as a doctor or entertaining an audience on stage. When we grow up and prepare for the real world, we learn what is practical versus what isn’t. Aim for something that’s going to pay the bills and provide food on the table, right? Fast forward 20 years later and I am not (yet) a writer, but a customer service representative for one of the top employers in my state.

So what if I want to do more? Surely I was not put on this earth to “just pay bills and die,” right?

Since entering the workforce, I have learned a lot about what I’m great at and what I’m not particularly so great at. In these low moments, my thoughts are always racing. I don’t know if this place is right for me. Is it the people? Is it the work? Am I just being an ungrateful brat? I always seem unsatisfied. Conversations with friends always turn to work, with a lack of spark in my eye. I’ve only recently been able to admit to myself that there is nothing wrong with me, and that I have only been trying to find the right fit. Most people will read that and think, well there’s nothing wrong with that! Yes but what if I told you the right fit was risky? What if it required me to leave my 9-5 job, benefits and retirement included? What if the guarantee for work would not be 100% there all of the time? Most people would look at me like I was nuts. What else more do I need?

What I need is something that brings me joy. Something that will bring me closer to God. That will get me out of bed every morning instead of stalling. A profession where I get to utilize my talents for the greater good. Days that leave me looking forward to more, instead of only the weekends. What I need is a purpose, not a job.

People will be quick with their negativity. I have experienced it many times. Stepping out of your comfort zone is only something they wish they could do themselves. I would be lying if I said this didn’t scare me. It’s only human to feel scared! That is the greatest risk I am willing to take though.

If you are reading this and going through something similar, please find encouragement when I tell you it is never too late to follow your dreams. Cheesy, I know. How many times have we heard that, honestly? Even though I lost touch with it for a while, writing has always been it for me. I am actively taking steps to pursue a career in writing so I can have what I need, not what I want. When you need something it should be imperative for your well-being. Just like water, food, and sleep, happiness is needed in order to survive. Nobody thinks of it as needing happiness, it’s only something they want. Wouldn’t you consider it essential for peace of mind and mental and physical wellness?

Author: Sarah

Aspiring: writer, world traveler, food taste-tester, podcast guest. I N F P View all posts by Sarah